Authentic Living
THE POWER OF
AUTHENTICITY
My most profound life challenge involved learning acceptance, letting go of everything I disliked and couldn’t change. Life unfolded experiences that taught me about resilience, a journey marked by pain and enduring scars.
Taking a deep breath, I paused to tend to those wounds.
Ultimately, I recognized my responsibilities and inherent worthiness of love and life. No longer do l want to cling to the expectation that happiness is contingent on anything external.
True freedom comes from learning the ability to see and feel ourselves fully and to cease making choices based on past residues or future fears. Until this point, we remain unaware of our ways and incapable of changing our predicament and quality of life.
Living beneath a mask can offer a fleeting sense of safety, enduring for a while. However, concealing yourself proves futile. The half-truths you unveil to others may be accommodating, but they do not hold when you face yourself.
You can’t undo what you’ve felt, witnessed, or endured. As a child, you may have sought safety through cries for help or retreating to a safe space, a response that shaped the ego as a means of self-protection.
We inherit survival strategies from preceding generations & persist in enacting them as a way of life. We navigate through challenging thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, striving to understand why we are miserable and who’s to blame.
Life isn’t a blame game of right or wrong, it’s a journey of self-discovery, recognizing that the well-being of our inner selves is our responsibility, as that’s where our deepest truth resides-in our authenticity.
The sincerity you extend to yourself shapes your way of life, allowing you to embrace yourself and others as you are in any given moment.
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Tools & Techniques
Embraced during a decades long journey of healing and self-discovery:
Mind
Gestalt Psychotherapy: Helps clients understand how unresolved past issues shape their current life and relationships, fostering growth, self-awareness, and personal responsibility.
Schema Psychotherapy: Addresses deeply rooted patterns formed in early life, often due to trauma or unmet needs. It effectively helps resolve chronic issues like childhood trauma and maladaptive coping strategies for lasting change.
Systemic Family Constellation: A method that reveals hidden family dynamics and ancestral influences, facilitating the resolution of conflicts within the family system.
Internal Family Systems: A therapeutic method that explores parts of the mind as an ‘internal family,’ addressing inner conflicts and fostering inner harmony and emotional growth.
Body
Bodywork and Somatics: Therapeutic techniques that release tension and trauma stored in the body, enhancing energy flow and vitality.
Conscious Movement Therapy: A practice incorporating mindful movement to reconnect with the body, release stagnant energy, and foster greater awareness and emotional balance.
Quantum Medicine: An approach utilizing quantum principles to address physical and emotional imbalances, promoting overall holistic well-being.
Spirit
Regression Therapy: A method of accessing and healing past life experiences to address emotional wounds, gain insights, and release limiting beliefs.
Shamanic Plant Medicine: Uncovering the root of unresolved issues often unseen in daily life, creating space for inner understanding and resolution.
Ayahuasca Journeys: A medicinal plant known as the “Medicinal Mother” of all plants, revealing the root of mental, emotional, and physical imbalances while aiding purification.
Immersion into the Womb Space Healing the Feminine: A deep exploration into the feminine psyche to heal ancestral wounds and reclaim feminine power.
Healing Relationship with Masculine: Techniques to foster healthy and balanced relationships with masculine energies, promoting inner harmony and empowerment.
Nervous System
The Vagus Nerve Masterclass: Techniques focused on regulating the nervous system, promoting relaxation, resilience, and emotional balance.
Inner Child Work: Techniques to heal and integrate the wounded inner child, fostering emotional healing and personal growth.
The Presence Process: Michael Brown’s method spans 8 months, teaching the transformative power of fully feeling and processing emotions, leading to a deeper connection with oneself and a more authentic experience of life.
Creating an Empowering Mindset: Elizabeth Devaughn’s therapeutic coaching that cultivates a positive and empowering mindset, reclaiming the authentic self and embracing self-love and acceptance.
Metaphysical Systems
Human Design: A system combining elements from astrology, the I Ching, Kabbalah, the Chakra system, and quantum physics to provide a framework for understanding human behavior & potential. It reveals your unique energetic blueprint, helping you align with your innate strengths and talents for personal growth.
Vedic Astrology: An ancient practice providing insights into your life’s purpose, destiny & potential challenges through the wisdom of Vedic astrology.
Western Astrology: The study of celestial bodies’ influence on personality, relationships, and life path, offering clarity and guidance.
Life Coaching
Passion, Purpose, Legacy: A life coaching course by R. Michael Anderson that empowers individuals to discover and align with their true passions and purpose, ultimately creating a lasting legacy.
Mindvalley Coaching Academy: A program offering expert guidance & support from certified coaches using cutting-edge methodologies for personal and professional growth.
Master Coach Training Program: Advanced training in coaching skills and techniques designed to empower individuals on their journey of transformation.
The Beginning
Before my journey of self-discovery, putting myself together in the morning was a daily battle that often lasted well over an hour due to relentless dreams that deprived me of restful sleep. Getting out of bed felt like a daunting task, my body weighed down, and my mind racing. It was a continuous dance between wakefulness and a dreamlike existence. Unbeknownst to me, my being was trapped in a trauma-induced cycle, oscillating between fight, flight, freeze, and fawn modes. Safety was an elusive concept; my nervous system was wired for survival on a constant basis, making me feel perpetually on edge. Life should have been simpler, but the shadow of trauma complicated everything. It presented me with two paths: to stay a victim or choose to become a victor. I made the latter choice, yet the weight of overwhelming emotions persisted.
In the corporate world, a decades-long reality, I was meticulously efficient; success and achievement were my refuge. Independence and financial security became my shield against an unseen survival mode. However, beneath this facade, returning home exposed a grim reality: little energy remained for meaningful connections, especially with my son, who needed care and attention. True joy was a fleeting guest in my life.
Looking back, the harsh contrast between my outward success and inner turmoil was evident. To the world, I projected happiness and triumph, seemingly carefree. Internally, however, I navigated a landscape of devastation, pain, and solitude. The turning point arrived when I confronted the truth of my emotions, marking the day I committed to transforming my life.
In my forties, I could no longer ignore the deep internal cry for help that I finally heard.
Benefits of Psychotherapy
Having to relocate to a new city for work caused me to leave behind the close connection I had with my best friend, a Gestalt psychotherapist.
Without her daily support, I began to question why I had never pursued therapy before. The paradox of having free, readily available assistance had, until then, been my excuse for avoiding this transformative process. A therapist recommended by my friend became my weekly companion for the next five years, guiding me through the complexities of my emotions and helping me uncover a deeply buried trauma.
Over the course of four years, I came to the painful realization that I was a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. My therapist, patient and compassionate, created a safe space for my inner child to find her voice.
After six years, 325 sessions, and the addition of a skilled trauma specialist, I found healing and a profound sense of self. Therapy became my refuge in the quest for answers, leading me through the labyrinth of thoughts and feelings and ultimately revealing not only the pain but also the person I am today.
Understanding CPTSD
Childhood sexual abuse and a violent home environment created CPTSD—Childhood Post Traumatic Stress Disorder—for me. Understanding CPTSD requires a vocabulary and awareness that are often lacking, leaving many survivors grappling with unseen wounds. Childhood trauma locks you in a perpetual state of horror, leading to constant mental and physical exhaustion throughout life. Numbness and dissociation become coping mechanisms, diverting attention from the internal feeling of horror. Healing is complex and intricate because trauma remains stored not only in the mind and nervous system but also in the body, often without conscious awareness. This process requires unraveling deeply embedded emotional scars, confronting painful memories, and rebuilding a nonexistent sense of self that was shattered by the trauma and deep feelings of loss, unworthiness, guilt, and shame.
“The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk serves as one of the most comprehensive resources on trauma, aiding my understanding along with psychotherapy, neuroscience, shamanism, bodywork, somatics, and inner child work. We live in a time when various forms of abuse are coming to light. We are all learning along the way—survivors, family members, colleagues, and friends. It is important to openly share our knowledge in the hope that by bringing trauma out of the shadows, we can foster greater awareness, leading to new learning and final resolutions resulting in less cruelty in our future human experiences.
Discovering Life Coaching
Despite my thriving career and notable achievements, an underlying discontent clouded my sense of direction and identity. Feeling boxed in by the lack of solutions in my immediate surroundings, I reached out to R. Michael Anderson, a leadership coach I met at a corporate event. He had successfully navigated his own life and career transformation and was launching a 3-month intensive program designed as a roadmap to unearth my true passion, purpose, and legacy. Initially skeptical and somewhat apprehensive about life coaching, I discussed my reservations with my therapist, who encouraged me to explore this path. As my disillusionment with corporate life peaked, I took a leap of faith, resigned from my job, and committed to discovering my true self.
Today, any skepticism about life coaching is a distant memory. Michael’s impactful guidance was instrumental in unveiling new possibilities, steering me through transformative changes, and reassuring me that the unconventional path was indeed safe. The investment of time, money, and effort I made has paid off exponentially, proving to be one of the best decisions of my life.
My Shamanic Journey
Mystical experiences have been woven into the fabric of my life since childhood. In the realm of the spirit, I found solace amidst a violent and dysfunctional home. During my early adulthood and while pursuing my studies at business school, I began reading extensively on spirituality, seeking explanations and guidance for my life experiences. Facing increasing challenges throughout life, my exploration of spiritual healing practices deepened. After uncovering childhood trauma in psychotherapy, I was deeply unsettled and overwhelmed, so I asked my therapist to support me in seeking deeper insights and set off for a shamanic retreat in Portugal, setting the stage for a deeper exploration of my trauma.
This practice proved to be eye-opening, leading me to make a brave decision in 2019: to go to the source, the Peruvian Amazon Rainforest, for a Shamanic Journey. I spent three months in a solitary hut, guided by Maestro Shaman Anael and plant medicine, confronting hidden and forgotten parts of myself. This arduous experience illuminated not just my personal journey but also the shadows of my family lineage. Plant medicine guided me through the darkest corners of my past, unveiling forgotten aspects and reconnecting me with my true self. What seemed like the riskiest endeavor turned out to be the most rewarding, teaching me profound lessons in love and humility.
Relational Patterns
My upbringing confused love with codependence, marked by nonexistent boundaries and frequent verbal and physical confrontations between my parents. This environment taught me to sacrifice my needs for belonging and validation, which shaped my disorganized attachment style. Considered the most challenging of insecure attachments, arising from a combination of abuse, neglect, and inconsistent caregiving, it manifested as fear, mistrust, and inner conflict. Seeking extreme closeness or distance, inconsistency in romantic relationships, fear of abandonment, and aversion to emotional intimacy became my norm. Unaware of these patterns, my dating choices led me to unreliable, immature, uncertain and impractical partners, resulting in a marriage fresh out of university, followed by a divorce and single parenthood.
This crucial experience taught me that financial stability and independence from unreliable partners—mirroring my father’s unreliability—were essential for survival. Since the divorce, I remained single, repeating the same mistakes until my self-discovery journey revealed that better choices required improved relational skills. This meant healing parental wounds through inner child work, learning unconditional love, and practicing self-love. This journey helped me understand who I am, what my boundaries are, and what kind of love and relationships I can accept, including family, friendships, and romantic partnerships.
The Ultimate Lesson
This is the most important lesson anyone can teach you.
Life is not about mastering victories, but about embracing setbacks, for it is through our challenges that we gain the most profound life experiences. It’s about being honest and open about your pain, even when you are so afraid that you believe only a miracle can save you.
Can you build a sanctuary within yourself?
Can you hold your body when it’s paralyzed by fear?
Can you allow yourself to wake up and feel your misery?
Can you let your tears flow freely down your cheeks?
Can your inner child finally feel that she is not alone in this world and that someone will take care of her?
Can you be the parent she needed?
Can you let go of all expectations for a moment so she won’t feel alone, unworthy, and scared?
It’s okay to be yourself. There isn’t a fixed version of who you are. Yet we spend our entire lives trying to become a perfectly sculpted rock, not realizing that inside, we are ever-changing and full of potential. There is immense beauty within you waiting to be discovered—your purest and most authentic self.
When you learn not to fear the dark and find the courage to dive in, it will be the most rewarding journey of your life. It will mean unlearning and reframing most of the ways and skills you’ve acquired. You will design your own path and choose each step of the way.
Are you ready to embrace such responsibility?
Never give up on rediscovering yourself!
Disclaimer: The NtnK Life approach is based on personal life experiences and is shared as a narrative of self-discovery rather than a prescribed path. The advice provided is not a substitute for individual judgment and critical thinking. All information is based on experiences and what has been safely applied in practice. Achieving results requires significant commitment and dedication. Outcomes will vary based on individual capabilities, diligence, and dedication to the process. Approach these insights with an open mind, discernment, and a willingness to explore what resonates most effectively. Always use personal judgment and seek professional advice when necessary.
